modmad:

please love this self-blaming emotionally clueless boy because I have never related so much

OKAY SO LET’S TALK ABOUT JAKE FUCKING ENGLISH

I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN HE BEAT FELT IN [S] COLLIDE BECAUSE IT IS SO RIGHT THAT HE DID NOT EVEN DO IT BY USING ANY SPECIAL POWERS DESPITE FIGHTING ENTIRELY AGAINST A GANG WITH SPECIAL POWERS

HE GREW UP ALONE ON HELLMURDER ISLAND AND JANE DID NOT BELIEVE HIS STORIES

HE ROMANTICIZED RUINS AND ADVENTURES BUT HE ALSO LIVED IN AND NEAR LITERAL RUINS AND HAD LIFE THREATENING ENCOUNTERS EVERY DAY AND HIS ROMANTICIZING WAS AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE HIS SHITTY LIFE SEEM LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY AWESOME

HE IS VERY SMALL BUT HE MIGHT BE ACTUALLY THE MOST EXPERIENCED OF ALL ALPHA KIDS AT ACTUAL COMBAT

HE IS SILLY AND HE DOES NOT ACTUALLY THINK HE IS COOL AND HE IS BAD AT SOCIAL INTERACTION (GEE WHO COULD HAVE EXPECTED THAT FROM A KID WHO GREW UP ALONE ON AN ISLAND)

HE MOST LIKELY IS AROMANTIC AND HAS SOME KIND OF LEARNING DISABILITY AND YOU WILL PRY JAKE ENGLISH THE CINNAMON ROLL OUT OF MY DEAD STIFF GRIPPING HANDS

IN CONCLUSION

JAKE ENGLISH

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