some very very good vimes facts™ i have picked up while rereading jingo

wastrelwoods:

  • absentmindedly strikes matches using sgt. detrius, who is made of rock, on multiple occasions
  • murmurs sarcastic clapbacks under his breath during official city council meetings, while vetinari glares at him. the saltiest bitch in the game
  • allergic to paperwork, apparently solely because he can’t stand his coworkers spelling and/or punctuation from hell
  • thinks “so are we gonna have a war or what” is appropriate diplomatic dialogue
  • literally so noir that he takes extra unofficial patrols to stand in the rain at 3 in the morning and brood 
  • and fucking loves it
  • honestly doing his best to work against a lifetime of ingrained prejudices. not perfect but t r y i n g
  • fluent in ephebian (discworld latin) or fucking close enough for a guy with presumably no secondary education
  • doesn’t give a shit about the laws of space and time, just the good old laws of ankh morpork. get that supernatural shit outta here 
  • can toss his sword high enough to spin three times and still catch it by the handle
  • “a watchman is a civilian you inbred streak of piss”
  • will only eat food which Sybil has burnt beyond recognition cooked over the flame of a live swamp dragon
  • so in love with his wife, gets really flustered every time she speaks
  • a knight, but incredibly embarrassed about it
  • by the end of this book pretty much the second most powerful man in the city, being a duke in a kingdom with no king, and still really embarrassed about it
  • ghost rides the whip piloting a boat through a deadly thunderstorm on not one but TWO separate occasions (here and in snuff), still doesn’t know how the fuck boats work
  • calls the prow of a ship ‘the sharp part’
  • i can’t let this go by without mentioning this sonofabitch also ARRESTED TWO OPPOSING ARMIES and then his OWN TYRANT in order to stop a war like how incredibly Extra–
  • fuckin made me cry again guys ive read this book like ten times
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