okay, so, I love all the posts that run off the assumption that humans are the most ridiculous sapient species in the galaxy

but what if it’s just the other way around

what if humans are notoriously straitlaced and obsessed with protocol. the bureaucrats of the stars.

which is obviously something we would constantly try to complain about and disprove only for some Alpha Centaurian to be like “Captain, your species formalized spirituality, repeatedly, and a recurring theme therein is that the heavens themselves are run as a bureaucracy. Even your rebellions and revolutions are meticulously planned.”

it’s not a bad thing, per se, to have a human on your team — analytical minds, good diplomats (if only because one human etiquette system can be more complex and even contradictory than the vastly varied customs of an entire species) — but be prepared for them to call attention to moral quandaries and loopholes that never would have occurred to you.

and speaking of loopholes, do be careful, because the only thing worse than a human armed with an ironclad system of rules is a human who’s found a gaping hole in them.

“You’re telling me there was a mass movement to name a boat something dumb as a joke?”

“First of all, it wasn’t a mass movement, and second of all, the boat was by no means the first time nor the last.”

“…Exactly how much of Earth comedy is based on incongruous branding?”

“Even some of your ideas of ANARCHY have VOTING in a syndicate or commune. HOW did you even THINK you weren’t bureaucrats before first contact?”

We still live on Space Australia, though.

Honestly, our innate bureaucracy is probably the primary reason we’ve survived so long ON Space Australia.

No but imagine aliens landing on Space Australia and being like “wtf is this hellhole??” and before they have even had time to recover from the fact that they found life on this murderous planet that’s not only surviving but actually thriving, the first thing that happens is that a bunch of bureaucrats™ pops up and is like “please follow us for immigration proceedings” and the aliens are just looking at each other, completely floored because what the fuck did just happen? Did they just take their photos and sizes?? Are they giving them identification cards???

Yep, they sure do.

The aliens are distressed because they really don’t want to stay here on this hellish planet. Why are these people so utterly calm about everything? Nature is out trying to kill them, and they are filling out forms??

“Can’t you just… bring us to your leader? Now??”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“One should think this is a matter of global importance.”

Do you have an appointment?” 

[incoherent screaming]


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