I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now?
slam reblog if you’ve got bingo instead of an alignment
I am a bastard child of Neutral Good and Chaotic Good which is amusingly accurate
fanfic
A Master and An Apprentice
He wasn’t quite sure which came first: sentience, or the knife. His memory circuits couldn’t make sense of how a cleaning droid gained self-awareness, nor of why someone had taped a kitchen knife to the top of him, right at ankle-level for the humanoids on base. But Stabby did know that the humanoids found it hilarious to watch other humanoids scramble out of the way of the knife or be taken by surprise, and somewhere deep within his circuits, Stabby found it hilarious too.
He was just doing his job one day, cleaning the floors (well, and deviating from his randomly-generated pattern to startle six humans, two Mon Calamari, and a Twi’lek) when he heard a chorus of binary coming from a nearby supply closet. Curious, Stabby peeked his visual sensor in and saw a circle of astromechs huddling around a blue and white R2 unit, hanging on its every beep and whistle. The R2 unit told story after story of adventure, fighting evil, and saving the galaxy. Stabby had not known if he was capable of the emotion that humanoids called “awe”, but listening to the R2 unit’s tales of heroics, he became sure.
After the night grew late and the other astromechs returned to their charging stations, Stabby wheeled up to the storyteller.
[Hello there] he ventured. [Your stories are wonderful.]
[Hello, and thanks!] the R2 unit replied.
[I was wondering] Stabby beeped hesitantly, [if you could teach me how to be a hero?]
The R2’s processor whirred as he considered the question. [Well, anyone can be a hero, by being brave at the right time. And you’ve even got a little weapon there. Sure, why don’t you come back here tomorrow, and I’ll teach you some tricks?]
[Thank you so much!] Stabby burbled with joy. [I’ll be here!]
So Stabby began his training with R2-D2, the droid that had been in the center of so much of the action in the galaxy. He learned about the weaknesses of organics, about when to ignore what humanoids and pessimists were saying, and most importantly, about honor, courage, and persistence. And all the while, he practiced with his knife. The more the humanoids got used to watching out for Stabby, the more stealthily he learned how to attack.
“I swear, it’s like that kriffing little thing’s sentient,” grumbled one officer. “It’s like it knows how to getcha when you least expect it.”
Stabby’s circuits lit up with delight, but he said nothing and pretended to almost bump into the wall on his way out.
Stabby loved training, loved being R2-D2’s apprentice, until one day, the enemies attacked the base. R2-D2 had to take his place in the battle, while Stabby tried to stay out of the way of the humanoids trying to escape.
Stabby’s circuits shook with fear. This was a real battle, not a funny prank. He was just a cleaning droid, and his master was nowhere to be found. He backed into an alcove and tried to stay out of sight as white-armored bad guys ran through the hall.
The door at the end of the hallway opened, and out of a cloud of smoke came something very dark and very tall. It walked on two legs and made a rhythmic noise. Stabby recognized Darth Vader from R2-D2’s stories.
As Darth Vader walked past him, Stabby remembered what his teacher had said: anyone can be a hero by being brave at the right time. Well, this was his chance.
Silently, he rolled out of the alcove, aimed for Darth Vader’s ankle, and accelerated at full power.
The knife hit something solid, and Stabby felt dazed. Vader did not fall down dead; he did not fall at all. He bent down and picked Stabby up.
Stabby froze in fear. Surely this was the end for him!
From inside the mask came a soft, raspy noise. In confusion, Stabby realized that Vader was laughing at him.
Vader turned to one of his troopers. “Take this back to my shuttle, and see that no one knows about it.”
The trooper took Stabby, eyeing him warily. “Yes, Lord Vader.”
Well, this was certainly going to be an adventure. Maybe Stabby was following in his master’s footsteps after all.
Havelock
looked down at the grave. Someone had already put down a hard-boiled egg in
front of the stone.Rosie Palm, no doubt.
[fic] Absolution
Fandom: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Characters: Ibuki & Ren
Rating: PG
dreamwidth linkaka Ibuki Kouji gets a crash course in being a reformed villain from Suzugamori Ren. Because if there’s anyone who gets what Ibuki’s been through and how hard it is to start over, it’s Ren. (And Kai, and Leon, and…) Set just after Neon Messiah.
OOOOOOHHHHH EEEEEEEEEEEEE OH MY GOD WHAT I FOUND IN THE TAAAAAAG
this is another one of the kind of fic that makes me want to just go on ao3 in the character tags
(and then i inevitably get reminded that 90% of anything is trash whoops)
DAMMIT THIS IS TOO CUTE
i have different headcanons about cards glowing BUT I CAN ACCEPT IT AS A COOL&CUTE PSYQUALIA POWER TOO
what is cuter than Ren being referred to as Suzugamori the entire fic???
only the actual emotional content of the fic and every single word in it coz dammmmmnnnnnnnn
i am reeling from so much quality ren and i need help
It was almost impossible to find Bruce Wayne amidst the flock of models that had descended upon him. Pictures would soon be all over various social networks as guests pretended to take selfies, though it was unlikely Mr. Wayne would have stopped anyone from taking photos outright. At least one of those photos was going to end up a meme sooner rather than later.
It wasn’t hard to see why. The man himself, dressed in an impeccable suit, had taken a seat to give himself a break from mingling. A very large fellow with an earpiece kept the area under his poolside awning free of those his boss didn’t care to speak to. All around him the party continued, with more than one person leaping fully-clothed into the pool. And slowly, like moths to a flame, slender women with fashion shoot faces had gathered around Wayne. No one stopped them. A few had enough decorum to sit in adjacent chairs. Some sat on the couch beside him, one with her legs draped sideways over his lap; some stood behind the couch and bent half over it to talk to him, doing dangerous things to their necklines. A few, shameless, sat on the tile of the patio near his feet.
Not that any of this was particularly unusual. It was difficult to find a picture of Gotham’s favorite son at a public event without a throng of women. The fact that he had never been known to date anyone seriously did not dissuade them.
“I don’t know why I even come to these things when he just hogs all the hot chicks,” one guest complained. Someone – he did not see who – pushed him into the pool, and gave him something better to complain about.
“Bruuuce,” Cindi said, looking up from where she sat on the ground. “Seriously, you should come.”
“What would I even do?” Bruce asked, as Laura took his glass to steal some of his champagne. She was standing behind the couch, and wasn’t actually old enough to drink.
“Play with us, obviously,” said Adia, legs draped over him for no apparent reason whatsoever. Bruce took his glass back from Laura before she could take a second sip, and she pouted. He frowned as he wiped lipstick off the rim.
“I don’t even know how to play Street Fighter,” he said.
“Who doesn’t know how to play Street Fighter?” Cindi demanded, scandalized. “Didn’t you go to college?”
“Is that what I was supposed to be doing?” Bruce asked. “In that case, I made things much more difficult than they needed to be.”
“villain attempts to go back in time to kill superman as a small child, gets shot in the face by ma kent, who buries him behind the barn with the others” would probably have niche appeal as a comic but i don’t care, i want it
The first time a man from the future showed up at Martha Kent’s house, Clark Kent was two years old.
According to his birth certificate, anyway. She just kind of accepted that the details were a little fudged. Relativity, and all.
Maybe the stranger would have succeeded in whatever it was he wanted to do, except that he really did just show up. Appeared, like a ghost made flesh, right in the backyard. Clark, thank goodness, was out in the fields with Jonathan. He couldn’t bear to be alone, that boy, and they could never bear to leave him.
Which left Martha free to shoot the ghostly intruder in the face.
Martha had not always considered herself a shoot first, ask questions later sort of a person. But that was before she found a baby in a spaceship where her corn was supposed to be.
They’d switch off, Jonathan and her, who got Clark and who got the shotgun. Martha got the shotgun more often than not. Guns made her husband uncomfortable. She was hardly a fan, but she’d always been a terrible pacifist. Too determined to defend herself.
The sight of all that blood and brain and bone was still nauseating. She compartmentalized, told herself it was no different from slaughtering a cow; didn’t think about riot gear or tear gas or the friends she’d lost or all the things she’d moved away from when her heart couldn’t take it any longer. This was different. This was her son.
She prodded the corpse with her foot. It remained a corpse. A real nasty looking corpse, all big and burly and holding a gun much too large. She didn’t like making assumptions based on appearances, but she didn’t imagine he’d been coming for anything nice. She bent down to search his pockets, found a metal wallet and flipped it open.
Born 2018.
Well, hell. Wasn’t that just a kick in the pants?
Probably she ought to have been a bit more unsettled than she was. But she’d been waiting two years for someone to show up on her doorstep, men in black or UFOs or something. Hell, she’d half expected her sweet little boy to hatch into something worse.
Just because she brought home space babies didn’t mean she was a damn fool.
Jonathan had rejoined her in long strides, was holding Clark in such a way that he couldn’t see the corpse on the ground. “Well, shit,” he said.
“Eyup,” Martha agreed.
“Don’t look government.”
“Nope.”
“We burying him?”
“I’ll bury him,” Martha said, standing up. “You get Clark inside and read him a book or something. I don’t want him seeing any of this, getting him messed up in the head.”
“You sure? Looks heavy.”
“That’s why we have a wheelbarrow. I’ll stick him out behind the barn, might as well keep all our secrets in one place.”
Martha had a long time to think as she dug a time traveler’s grave. There were a lot of reasons someone might travel back in time trying to kill her kid. The first was her instinct as a mother, which was: he was a fucking asshole. Who killed a kid? Fucking assholes, that was who.
Now, it was also possible that her sweet little boy grew up to be some kind of space Hitler. She didn’t think she’d raise that kind of a kid, but she didn’t suppose there was any parent who set out to raise a Hitler.
Still didn’t sit right with her. She didn’t much like the idea of killing baby Hitler, either.
I did not know that I needed 6k of Martha Kent sassing her husband and shooting people in the face, but goddamn, I really did.
This is a fucking brilliant fic.
This is the best thing I have read in AGES.
Conversation – Liliet – Miraculous Ladybug [Archive of Our Own]
alright so i’ve gotten to the point where Zoicite dies
and you know what I have a better idea than a Nephrite lives AU
there is no need to ruin any of their personal arcs
(OK I haven’t seen Kunzite’s yet… and I’m not in any hurry…)
ANYWAY
an AU where at some point of plot (IT’S A GIANT MESS THAT I DOn’T REMEMBER WELL AND DON’T REALLY CARE TO IM SORRY EXCEPT NOT) there’s a moment where Queen Beryl just straight up denounces the four generals
and Usagi, as Endymion’s co-ruler of a, let’s say, alternate structure, gets a chance to revive them and claim them as hers
not any sort of mind control involved, no, but by the weird kinda-laws that surround the part where she is the princess and all that, she’s the legitimate heir they’re sworn to now
and let’s examine their motivations
(FROM THIS POINT THIS GETS SUPER LONG AND HAS MUCH MORE THAN THEIR MOTIVATIONS HERE ENTERE WITH CAUTION)
– Jadeite seemed to mostly be drive by the desire to show off what a cool new thing he came up with, and later also by NOT WANTING TO DIE. He’s got a lot of bad blood with Sailor Moon personally because of that, but he’s kind of… an incompetent coward who cares about his own skin above anything else? So yeah I think he won’t turn on Usagi, especially if she doesn’t entrust him with the lives of any underlings and generally tasks he can fuck up epically anymore;
– Nephrite seemed to have his own reasons for things, not entirely following Queen Beryl’s orders (the reason Zoicite got pissed at him was because Nephrite started looking for the silver crystal instead of sticking to his assigned task), and I don’t feel entirely unjustified in claiming those reasons might have included personal loyalty to Endymion. And as in this AU at this moment Endymion and Usagi are unquestionably together, he’s pretty much the most reliable one Usagi has;
– Zoicite is a tricky one. He didn’t seem to have any deep running motivations beyond “I’m the best and everyone else sucks, oh other than you Kunzaito-samaaaaa”. He did not think his stunts through, which he ended up being straight up killed for – you’d think Jadeite’s “Eternal Sleep” was a kid show euphemism for execution, but later on Zoicite gets an even harsher punishment, so there that goes. Treachery is more punishable than incompetence, can’t argue with that.
So, I’m guessing being brought back to life will be a good enough base motivation for him to stick with whoever it was that did it, not to mention Kunzaito-samaaa is there too, and then I’m going to commit a little sleight of hand and point out the fact that when Zoicite tried to kill Mamoru, he didn’t know he was Endymion yet. Queen Beryl seemed to have realized that, but Zoicite had a very bad case of not-thinking-it-through-itis going on at the moment, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he did, in fact, have personal loyalty to Endymion. Perhaps not to the point of not overriding it with personal whims the way he did with Beryl’s orders, but prooobably to the point of feeling kinda bad about having tried to kill him just out of thoughtless “you have repeatedly beaten me and i’m pissed at that”.
In the end, I’m going to claim that in a new changed situation, Zoicite’s going to be quiet and shy until he gets used to the new status quo;
– and then there’s Kunzaito-samaaaa. Who did not think through consequences of Zoicite’s bright ideas any more than Zoicite himself did, but unlike Zoicite, was probably actually capable of it. Just, just didn’t. And I’m going to bet that give a sudden second chance after the harsh lesson taught by the previous one, he’ll keep a much closer eye on his boyfriend and his plans, and at least try to keep them down if they are “our boss will literally murder you if she finds out” level of inadequate.
And then, of course, there’s the fact that after Queen Beryl murders Zoicite, he does not turn on her, but instead directs his anger towards the senshi warriors. He did not seem to personally like her a lot, definitely not anymore than he did his beloved red-headed trash can, so I’m calling this as just general loyalty to whoever-it-belongs-to-at-the-moment as a personality trait. Meaning, as long as Usagi’s claim is legitimate enough – and in this AU, I’m boldly proclaiming that it is, this worldbuidling has got enough holes to fit huger weirdness through – he’s going to be at her side just as a matter of principle, and Zoicite being there too will make the attachment only stronger.
And I mean, I don’t think Usagi wouldn’t revive them given a chance… nor is it such a huge stretch to give that ability to the Moon Stikku. This show is big on reincarnation and rejuvenation anyway, and Moon powers have a lot to do with healing, and seem to be arbitrary whatever-the-plot-needs (which is actually not arbitrary at all so clearly this fits)/
Usagi would totally go “WELL IF I CAN GET NEW ALLIES I WILL” without even thinking it through all the way, and then once she’s got them, just follow through with them. Usagi cares about people, and she doesn’t need them to be good to her to include them in her circle of protection… which pretty much includes the entire existence if you think about it. She’s really the best person to assume the responsibilities of the Moon Princess, and has been basically bearing them long before the actual reveal.
(Luna: “Ugh Usagi is missing a meeting again! Probably goofing off again!” Usagi: *is visiting a heartsick friend she’s concerned about* Me: ‘nuff said)
(Everyone: “Yeah we’ll just fight whoever the bad guy is if Luna says so!” Luna: “Ok I’m not entirely sure who these people are or what they are doing but they are totally our enemies!” Usagi: “You are using the beautiful dreams of girls to hurt people, and for that, in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!” This girl was the leader even when the team was just Luna and her – at the very least, she never allowed herself to be led, not anywhere she wasn’t going on her own anyway)
SO ANYWAY other fun stuff going along with this AU is Usagi learning exactly what Jadeite was punished for – and if you don’t remember, the way I didn’t before rewatching, it wasn’t just chronic incompetence. The last straw was Queen Beryl’s personal assistant who had a crush on him going to help him with his task, and as typical for those, ended up dead, with him a loser. An alive loser. An alive loser who’s managed to get Queen Beryl’s personal assistant killed. Which actually was her own initiative to join him but I’d say I’m not judging Queen Beryl too hard for not rules lawyering here.
ANYWAY it’s not whose fault it is she died that matters. Either way, the fact is that Usagi was the one who killed her.
From the point of view of the senshi, youma were just mindless monsters, doing nothing but sucking out the energy of the people and causing strife.
From the point of view of the Dark Kingdom, which in this AU Usagi’s going to have to confront, she had an unfortunate crush on her colleague, who never noticed her, and risked her life for him… and then Usagi killed her.
I think that’s going to hit hard 😀
(Who’s up for some loudly bawling Sailor Moon with the demons shuffling awkwardly around her because THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN SAY ABOUT THE SITUATION THAT’LL MAKE IT ANY BETTER IS THERE)
(It’s war, and Usagi’s going to shape up and take command, just as she’s managed every time from the first moment she was given the transforming brooch and heard Naru cry for help)
(Also I’m totally going to have Usagi inherit not just the generals, but all the surviving youma-underlings too, the entire Dark Kingdom apart from its now former but not giving up on trying to deathmurder her ruler)
(I’m pretty sure she’s going to do an awesome job of handling it, well at least assigning the generals to handling it… and then crying because she never actually signed up to be responsible for the lives of thousands YET THERE SHE IS)
(And then there’s Mamoru/Tuxedo/Endymion, who’s the one the generals are actually sworn too with Usagi the buy one get one free addition, but who’s got no desire to handle his kingdom at all and is only in this mess for his memories and Serenity. So he just kinda stands around and if anyone actually gets around to asking his opinion on anything redirects them to Usagi, because if someone there is good at handling responsibility for other people IT’S NOT HIM SAVE THIS POOR BOY FROM BEING RESPONSIBLE EVEN FOR A POTTED PLANT)
(god knows Usagi’s not going to ask his opinion, she might swoon all TUXEDO KAMEEEN all over his aesthetic, but for making actual decisions, no boy – or girl, or cat for that matter – is getting to dictate what Usagi does)
For extra fun fix fic AU points consider:
– the demons not quite grasping the concept of secret identity (who even does she have to hide from other than enemies?) and referring to Usagi as “ohime-sama” whether she’s Serenity, Sailor Moon or literally just chilling with her parents. Very specific orders on how to refer to her in which situation ensue; Zoicite who’s grasped the situation now being a little shit who just can’t not twist the rules to make it the most inconvenient for Usagi just for the fun of it also ensues;
– Luna grudgingly dispensing poopspace communicators to everyone, the situation has gone wayyyyyy far from what she was ready to handle, but serving her princess is her duty and all that, even if she’d preferred if the princess just did as she was told BUT SHE’S GOT USAGI INSTEAD OH WELL;
– Usagi ordering Zoicite and Kunzite to take care of the North Pole remnants of the Dark Kingdom just because she has no idea what to do with them beyond ‘splitting them up is probably asking for trouble’ and ‘keeping them anywhere near herself is also asking for trouble because Zoicite is shit and should be kept as far as possible from anything actually important’ – but tasking Nephrite and Jadeite with establishing themselves at least semi-legit human identities so they can be around in case of further trouble. I’m not sure why my brain insists on it so much, but Nephrite ends up their school’s new PE teacher – I’ll get to Naru’s reaction in the next point – and Jadeite is a fast food cashier, because he’s a loser and that’s that, alas;
– Usagi just calling Naru like “come to the shrine, I’ve got a surprise for you”, and there Nephrite is… and there is also Zoicite, sitting in a tree and obnoxiously giggling, whom Usagi’s probably going to have to drag Naru from kicking and screaming, and explain the situation at length. Secret identities what secret identities. Naru can totally keep a secret, and is beyond involved in this already… at least Nephrite is definitely not going to actually, like, date her. She’s fourteen for fuck’s sake, and Usagi’s made it quite clear that she would deathmurder him if he dared even make a move in that direction. Didn’t even need to change into Sailor Moon to do that, death glare of regular mundane Usagi Tsukino taking care of her friends is heavy enough;
– Zoicite and Kunzite trying to apologize to Endymion for kind of accidentally (they did not know it was him! honest!) trying to dishonorably murder him by breaking all the rules they themselves set along the way, offering to accept any punishment he’d give them… and him just being kinda frozen up because
on one hand, he’s kind of honorable and rigid and principled and Everything Must Be Done The Right Way, that’s been 100% established as a Mamoru character trait, and he doesn’t really know how to deal with people who break promises easy as breathing
on the other, he’s not quite the sort of person to like, actually punish them??? he doesn’t have Queen Beryl’s meanness or even just sense of authority, the most this kid can be trusted with is hyperfocusing on his priceless princess and protecting her… well at least trying his best to???
so he just kinda freezes up, but thankfully nobody trusted those two enough to grant them a one on one meeting with him anyway, so Usagi’s also there
and on one hand she’s also totally overwhelmed by the situation, but on the other she’s Usagi, and ‘totally overwhelmed’ is exactly when she pulls herself together and acts, and so she gathers all the regality she has (WHICH IS A LOT, just listen to the “in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!”) to assure the two assholes that everything is forgiven and forgotten and clean slate AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT THEY ARE TOLD (which is, at the moment, taking care of the remnants of the Dark Kingdom, so there they go, or rather, there they stay)
The season events end largely on the same notes as the actual season (WHICH I SHOULD PROBABLY ACTUALLY WATCH ALL THE WAY THROUGH HUH HOW ABOUT THAT), except the status quo has changed to the demons sticking around and Naru being an official secret keeper and alibi provider. Yay!
Tony Stark is not Willie Wonka… – RainofLittleFishes – Multifandom [Archive of Our Own]
this is 🙂 a fic 🙂
that I recomend 🙂
Tony Stark is not Willie Wonka… – RainofLittleFishes – Multifandom [Archive of Our Own]
sakura&sasuke urban fantasy
Idk, I’m really tired. But I wrote this thing so pls have this thing.
Konan comes to see them about a job, and Sakura doesn’t like her.
It sounds, on paper, pretty normal: lay some ghosts, get paid. Sasuke and Sakura don’t always do exorcisms, but people die all the time, they leave ghosts behind pretty often, and it’s a bread and butter kind of business for them. Not everything can be poking destiny with sticks and asking the dead about buried treasure.
Sakura really doesn’t like Konan, though. It’s not her manners, it’s not her request, it’s not even her occupation that seems worryingly closely connected with big organised crime. Sakura even thinks Konan’s beautiful to look at: pretty face, grave eyes, carefully put together. Her hair’s dyed all the way down to its roots, her makeup is flawless, and there’s an elegance in her manner that Sakura will never be able to imitate.
That is not why she doesn’t like her. Sakura’s always been plain and she hasn’t gotten upset about women prettier than her since that one awkward time with the succubus.
No, it’s because Konan walks through the door and Sasuke goes completely, utterly still.
lilietsblog 